Tomorrow morning, I embark on a grand adventure. I will wake up early in the morning, take two buses and an airplane, and arrive in Italy to meet the rest of my counselling school. Together, we will go to Florence, where we will run meetings in tents for two weeks. We will teach the topics that we were taught during our counselling school. I am not an experienced teacher, but I am excited to give back what I received for three months.
We need a lot of prayer in this time. God told us to go to Italy, and the team saw a lot of fruit during the month that they were in Spain (during which time I was renewing my UK visa). However, we face several challenges while we are in Italy. Firstly, none of us speak Italian. We speak English and Spanish, though, which will help us communicate. Secondly, we still need finances to pay food and hospitality costs in Italy. We are following God's path in faith, but the truth is that we do not know where the money for our flights back to London will come from.
Please pray for our safety and provision in this time, and also that God will lead us to the people to whom we need to minister. And if God is leading you to contribute an offering to our cause, you can email me at deborahestevenson@gmail.com or my mother at susancookstevenson@gmail.com (for those of you who are Stateside).
To be completely honest, I need people to support me in this time. London is an expensive city, and Italy is even more expensive. Even small contributions help, especially for my Oyster card (the transportation card for London Underground and buses) and groceries. My visa is a religious worker's visa, which does not allow me to hold a job, so contributions from others are what keep me here. If you are led to support me, it will be an answer to my prayers.
I am also praying for a miracle regarding a new camera. As you probably know by now, I am a photographer. God gave me the gift completely, and four years ago, my parents gave me a camera that led to my discovery of that gift. Since then, I have used my Nikon d3000 almost daily. It has been an amazing camera. However, this next season of my life holds a lot of photography for me and my ministry, and my poor camera is petering out. I have grown beyond the capabilities of the Nikon d3000, and the camera that I would like to upgrade to is the Nikon d300 (or Nikon d700 or Nikon d7000, as long as we are talking about miracles and a limitless God). As you know, I am having to walk by faith just to pay my living expenses here, much less to buy a camera. If you could pray with me for God to provide a miracle in this area of my life, I would appreciate it.
I will probably be absent for three and a half weeks now, but when if you want to contact me, please don't hesitate to email me! I love hearing from you guys, as well.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
"What am I doing here?"
A couple of weeks ago, we had a talk from Alejandro Rodriguez, the leader of YWAM Argentina. The talk was aimed at the new Discipleship Training School students, and he told them, "One night, you will be lying in your bunkbed, staring at the bunk over you, and you will wonder what you are doing here. And you will want to pack up all of your things in the middle of the night and run away. Don't worry. We've all been there."
I have that thought sometimes. Not necessarily when I am in my bunkbed, but when I am walking down the street and my Oyster card is empty and I've just seen a post on Facebook about a former classmate buying a new house, or when I am wondering if that ache in my mouth is a cavity and if I can make it until I go home next summer before getting it looked at. And I think about how easy it would be to get a flight home, to be picked up at the airport, to get a job and a car and a boyfriend to take me on drives to the beach on weekends. To be the only person sleeping in my bedroom at night. I think those things, and then I immediately feel guilty, because I am living in London, one of the biggest cities in the world. I get to do all of my arts every day, if I want to, and I get to use them to investigate different aspects of the Creator of the Universe. I get to use art to tell people about my Beloved. How can I have thoughts of running back to the life I am used to?
Last night, Angelica Vega, the leader of my counselling school, spoke to the base about our callings. She used Jeremiah 20 as an example, and verse nine really stuck out to me. Jeremiah says, "But if I say, 'I will not mention him or speak any more in his name,' his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed I cannot."
A calling from God is not something that we choose to do because it seems cool to us. We don't choose to frolic across an ocean and share a room with three other people just because it seems like a cool adventure. That kind of motivation will keep you motivated for a few weeks at the most. It does not help you keep sacrificing your rights to a salary, possessions, space, or time. It does not help you concede to God, giving in to Him when you have said, "Okay, God, here is the line," and He says, "No, keep going. Keep giving."
God's call for me was put in me in my mother's womb. That's what it says in Jeremiah 1. I did not have a choice in my calling, but I was made perfectly for it. People tease me for my height, but really, I fit fantastically into bunk beds. Because God's call for my life was written on my heart before I took my first breath, it is not something to which I can say no. I could go home. I could get a car and a job and even a hunky boyfriend to drive me to Tybee Island on the weekends, but I would not be happy. I would be suffocating, because I am called here, to London, to a bunk bed and a street with corner shops run by Muslim men and an Oyster card that takes continual praying over so that I have enough money in it to take the bus to church.
I don't think that it is wrong to some days think, "I could get on a plane and go home and sleep in my own room and go to the dentist," or, "I could go home and get a job and not have to worry so much about money." How many times did I think, "I could get on a plane and go to a foreign country and learn a new culture and bring Jesus to them," when I lived in South Carolina? There's a comfort in realising that the life we are in is not the only one we could live.
But the life that I am living is the life that I am called to live, the one in which I can daily see Christ with me like a mighty warrior (Jeremiah 20:11). And I will stay and fight, and sleep in a bunk bed, and inherit my housemates' hand-me-downs, and sing praises to the Lord who had the amazing foresight to send me to this city and to write this adventure on my heart.
I have that thought sometimes. Not necessarily when I am in my bunkbed, but when I am walking down the street and my Oyster card is empty and I've just seen a post on Facebook about a former classmate buying a new house, or when I am wondering if that ache in my mouth is a cavity and if I can make it until I go home next summer before getting it looked at. And I think about how easy it would be to get a flight home, to be picked up at the airport, to get a job and a car and a boyfriend to take me on drives to the beach on weekends. To be the only person sleeping in my bedroom at night. I think those things, and then I immediately feel guilty, because I am living in London, one of the biggest cities in the world. I get to do all of my arts every day, if I want to, and I get to use them to investigate different aspects of the Creator of the Universe. I get to use art to tell people about my Beloved. How can I have thoughts of running back to the life I am used to?
Last night, Angelica Vega, the leader of my counselling school, spoke to the base about our callings. She used Jeremiah 20 as an example, and verse nine really stuck out to me. Jeremiah says, "But if I say, 'I will not mention him or speak any more in his name,' his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed I cannot."
A calling from God is not something that we choose to do because it seems cool to us. We don't choose to frolic across an ocean and share a room with three other people just because it seems like a cool adventure. That kind of motivation will keep you motivated for a few weeks at the most. It does not help you keep sacrificing your rights to a salary, possessions, space, or time. It does not help you concede to God, giving in to Him when you have said, "Okay, God, here is the line," and He says, "No, keep going. Keep giving."
God's call for me was put in me in my mother's womb. That's what it says in Jeremiah 1. I did not have a choice in my calling, but I was made perfectly for it. People tease me for my height, but really, I fit fantastically into bunk beds. Because God's call for my life was written on my heart before I took my first breath, it is not something to which I can say no. I could go home. I could get a car and a job and even a hunky boyfriend to drive me to Tybee Island on the weekends, but I would not be happy. I would be suffocating, because I am called here, to London, to a bunk bed and a street with corner shops run by Muslim men and an Oyster card that takes continual praying over so that I have enough money in it to take the bus to church.
I don't think that it is wrong to some days think, "I could get on a plane and go home and sleep in my own room and go to the dentist," or, "I could go home and get a job and not have to worry so much about money." How many times did I think, "I could get on a plane and go to a foreign country and learn a new culture and bring Jesus to them," when I lived in South Carolina? There's a comfort in realising that the life we are in is not the only one we could live.
But the life that I am living is the life that I am called to live, the one in which I can daily see Christ with me like a mighty warrior (Jeremiah 20:11). And I will stay and fight, and sleep in a bunk bed, and inherit my housemates' hand-me-downs, and sing praises to the Lord who had the amazing foresight to send me to this city and to write this adventure on my heart.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
a breath in thankfulness (8 things I am thankful for RIGHT NOW)
I am immensely thankful for so many things. When I was having a hard time several months ago, my discipler encouraged me to wake up every morning and write down the things I was thankful for right in that moment. That started a habit for me of turning to thankfulness in the middle of struggling, and for just a second, I'd like to share some of that thankfulness with you.
1. The primary thing that I am thankful for is all of you. I am so blessed to have people who support me in what I do here. I live in London and get to talk to people about Jesus all of the time, but really, you are here, too. The people that pray for me and support me monetarily are as much a part of this mission as I am. I don't fully know how to express how humbled I am that there are people who care enough about God's work and my place in His great work that they will send their hard-earned money to me to keep me here. It's more than a happy dance and a shouted, "thank you, Lord!" You are the hands and feet in my walk of faith, because you are the instruments that God uses to keep me here. I cannot wait to say it to your face one day, but for now, thank you.
2. I am thankful for living in a team that is my English family. I lived away from home for four years while attending university, and it was a lonely experience. I spent some holidays alone, I ate dinner alone, and I did not always have people to share what I was going through. I always had friends, of course, but that is different from living with people. Here, I have eleven people around me always. If I feel lonely, all I have to do is step downstairs to find my family gathered around the kitchen table. They're always there for a hug, or to listen to what's going on, or to go on a crazy adventure. Right now, we are renovating an attic in our church and building a recording studio, and we get to spend all day sawing things and cracking jokes, and the days are so full of joy for me.
3. I am thankful that Spanish is apparently one of the easiest languages to learn. I have been attempting to learn it for over a year now, and can you imagine if it was one of the harder ones to learn? I'd be stuffed!
4. I am thankful to walk in favour as God's daughter. My eyes have only really been opened to it recently, but there are tiny circumstances in my life that look like coincidences to the human eye, but, when I look more closely, I see God's fingerprints all over them. Jesus Culture gave away a free song by my favourite artist, the money for a guitar anonymously appeared in my bank account, the Overground was shut and I got a free bus ride home, the pastor bought me coffee on a long afternoon at the church...that is only a short list. It's amazing to see the ways that God spoils me.
5. I am thankful to my mother for forcing me to take piano lessons for ten years. We fought so much about it, but for the past few months, I've been practicing the piano again, and there is such beauty in being able to worship God at the bench of a grand piano.
6. I love living with children. I love their giggles, their loud excitement, and how they always seem to know when you need a cuddle or a hug. I love their honesty. And I love that their parents are willing to share them with us, because it completes a feeling of family.
7. I am so thankful that my parents raised me in church and still make it a priority to pray for me. I have a family that stands behind me - my grandparents are some of the loudest supporters of my work here. A lot of my friends don't have the support of their families, but my parents, grandparents, and brother always take the time to remind me that they are proud of me, and that means so much to me. My parents faithfully supported missionaries my whole life, and it is an honour to be a missionary today and to know that their faithfulness is part of the reason that I am here.
8. God. I know it seems obvious, and I don't have words to explain all of my thankfulness for Him, but I hope that it is evident in my life, because it is still incredible to me that I am daily allowed to see more of my First Love's heart.
1. The primary thing that I am thankful for is all of you. I am so blessed to have people who support me in what I do here. I live in London and get to talk to people about Jesus all of the time, but really, you are here, too. The people that pray for me and support me monetarily are as much a part of this mission as I am. I don't fully know how to express how humbled I am that there are people who care enough about God's work and my place in His great work that they will send their hard-earned money to me to keep me here. It's more than a happy dance and a shouted, "thank you, Lord!" You are the hands and feet in my walk of faith, because you are the instruments that God uses to keep me here. I cannot wait to say it to your face one day, but for now, thank you.
2. I am thankful for living in a team that is my English family. I lived away from home for four years while attending university, and it was a lonely experience. I spent some holidays alone, I ate dinner alone, and I did not always have people to share what I was going through. I always had friends, of course, but that is different from living with people. Here, I have eleven people around me always. If I feel lonely, all I have to do is step downstairs to find my family gathered around the kitchen table. They're always there for a hug, or to listen to what's going on, or to go on a crazy adventure. Right now, we are renovating an attic in our church and building a recording studio, and we get to spend all day sawing things and cracking jokes, and the days are so full of joy for me.
3. I am thankful that Spanish is apparently one of the easiest languages to learn. I have been attempting to learn it for over a year now, and can you imagine if it was one of the harder ones to learn? I'd be stuffed!
4. I am thankful to walk in favour as God's daughter. My eyes have only really been opened to it recently, but there are tiny circumstances in my life that look like coincidences to the human eye, but, when I look more closely, I see God's fingerprints all over them. Jesus Culture gave away a free song by my favourite artist, the money for a guitar anonymously appeared in my bank account, the Overground was shut and I got a free bus ride home, the pastor bought me coffee on a long afternoon at the church...that is only a short list. It's amazing to see the ways that God spoils me.
5. I am thankful to my mother for forcing me to take piano lessons for ten years. We fought so much about it, but for the past few months, I've been practicing the piano again, and there is such beauty in being able to worship God at the bench of a grand piano.
6. I love living with children. I love their giggles, their loud excitement, and how they always seem to know when you need a cuddle or a hug. I love their honesty. And I love that their parents are willing to share them with us, because it completes a feeling of family.
7. I am so thankful that my parents raised me in church and still make it a priority to pray for me. I have a family that stands behind me - my grandparents are some of the loudest supporters of my work here. A lot of my friends don't have the support of their families, but my parents, grandparents, and brother always take the time to remind me that they are proud of me, and that means so much to me. My parents faithfully supported missionaries my whole life, and it is an honour to be a missionary today and to know that their faithfulness is part of the reason that I am here.
8. God. I know it seems obvious, and I don't have words to explain all of my thankfulness for Him, but I hope that it is evident in my life, because it is still incredible to me that I am daily allowed to see more of my First Love's heart.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Looking Back; Looking Forward (season wrap up)
Life at YWAM Urban Key goes quickly; it seems as if a new season begins every few months, and I pack my suitcase again and switch houses or travel the world. Another season is coming to an end for me now, and the theoretical phase of the counselling school ends in a week.
A month ago, we were in the base's Notting Hill Carnival outreach, at which I photographed and made videos of the evangelism and parade that we created. It is the largest evangelism event that we do every year, and it lasted for ten days. I love getting to go out and do evangelism every day, because it is a time when we go out, all different nations, to encounter the nations on the blocks around us. I paired up with some of our Bones participants from Italy and Austria, and even though we do not speak the same language, we joined together for the common purpose of telling people about Jesus. Some days, we used stilts, live music, and drama, but some days we just approached people in Portobello Market to tell them about the One who changed our lives.
During Carnival, I also went out with Cris Barrios, one half of our husband-and-wife media team at the base, to interview people about what Carnival means to them. It has always interested me that people come to Carnival for no apparent reason; it is not a holiday (although it is a bank holiday, which means that everyone has the day off of work), and there is not a common cause being celebrated. A lot of people mentioned coming to see the different cultures and celebrate with everybody, because it is a weekend that everyone comes together and doesn't mind if you talk to them. England is a pretty closed culture; rarely do you just speak to strangers on the bus, Underground, or street. It is really cool to see everyone speaking to each other. And it's a great chance to talk to them about the reason that I am in London.
Here are some of the people I talked to:
We are also coming to the end of the counselling school, and yesterday, we all went to Shakespeare's Globe Theatre to see a show for Micah, one of our members', birthday. It was my first time seeing a show there, and it was amazing.
When the theoretical phase of the school ends, we go on outreach to Spain and Italy. The outreach is two months, and I will join the team once I receive my renewed visa. The outreach focuses on restoration, and we will go into schools and churches to talk about areas such as eating disorders, true love, co-dependency, family relationships, etc. It will be a good time to give back what we have learned, but it will also be a challenge, because it means putting into practice what we've spent three months discovering.
You can join my journey by praying for me or supporting me financially. When you pray, please pray for us as we enter this phase of our school, that we will be safe and that the details will all be under God's control. Please also pray for those of us who do not speak Spanish or Italian, that we will be able to communicate clearly with those to whom we will be ministering. We also need prayer for our hearts, that we will remain pure and united, and for the hearts that we will encounter.
I would also appreciate it if you would pray about supporting me financially. The visa that I renewed was $375, and I will also have additional outreach travel and accommodation costs this month. You can support me monthly, if you are so led, or at any time that you want. For those of you who are in the United States, you may contact susancookstevenson@gmail.com if you would like to support me. My mother handles all of my contacts in the United States. If you are elsewhere in the world, feel free to email me at deborahestevenson@gmail.com. I appreciate any support and prayers that I receive. It helps me to stay here in London, doing what God has told me to do. I rely on your support to remain here.
You can also email me if you'd just like to chat or find out more about what is going on in my life, or if you would like me to pray for anything for you. I may not be able to come and have coffee and a deep discussion with you physically, but I'd love to talk, anyway.
A month ago, we were in the base's Notting Hill Carnival outreach, at which I photographed and made videos of the evangelism and parade that we created. It is the largest evangelism event that we do every year, and it lasted for ten days. I love getting to go out and do evangelism every day, because it is a time when we go out, all different nations, to encounter the nations on the blocks around us. I paired up with some of our Bones participants from Italy and Austria, and even though we do not speak the same language, we joined together for the common purpose of telling people about Jesus. Some days, we used stilts, live music, and drama, but some days we just approached people in Portobello Market to tell them about the One who changed our lives.
During Carnival, I also went out with Cris Barrios, one half of our husband-and-wife media team at the base, to interview people about what Carnival means to them. It has always interested me that people come to Carnival for no apparent reason; it is not a holiday (although it is a bank holiday, which means that everyone has the day off of work), and there is not a common cause being celebrated. A lot of people mentioned coming to see the different cultures and celebrate with everybody, because it is a weekend that everyone comes together and doesn't mind if you talk to them. England is a pretty closed culture; rarely do you just speak to strangers on the bus, Underground, or street. It is really cool to see everyone speaking to each other. And it's a great chance to talk to them about the reason that I am in London.
We are also coming to the end of the counselling school, and yesterday, we all went to Shakespeare's Globe Theatre to see a show for Micah, one of our members', birthday. It was my first time seeing a show there, and it was amazing.
When the theoretical phase of the school ends, we go on outreach to Spain and Italy. The outreach is two months, and I will join the team once I receive my renewed visa. The outreach focuses on restoration, and we will go into schools and churches to talk about areas such as eating disorders, true love, co-dependency, family relationships, etc. It will be a good time to give back what we have learned, but it will also be a challenge, because it means putting into practice what we've spent three months discovering.
You can join my journey by praying for me or supporting me financially. When you pray, please pray for us as we enter this phase of our school, that we will be safe and that the details will all be under God's control. Please also pray for those of us who do not speak Spanish or Italian, that we will be able to communicate clearly with those to whom we will be ministering. We also need prayer for our hearts, that we will remain pure and united, and for the hearts that we will encounter.
I would also appreciate it if you would pray about supporting me financially. The visa that I renewed was $375, and I will also have additional outreach travel and accommodation costs this month. You can support me monthly, if you are so led, or at any time that you want. For those of you who are in the United States, you may contact susancookstevenson@gmail.com if you would like to support me. My mother handles all of my contacts in the United States. If you are elsewhere in the world, feel free to email me at deborahestevenson@gmail.com. I appreciate any support and prayers that I receive. It helps me to stay here in London, doing what God has told me to do. I rely on your support to remain here.
You can also email me if you'd just like to chat or find out more about what is going on in my life, or if you would like me to pray for anything for you. I may not be able to come and have coffee and a deep discussion with you physically, but I'd love to talk, anyway.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
and so my home is much larger (nine things I've learned in 14.5 months across an ocean)
I just renewed my visa to stay in the United Kingdom, and as I have filled out the application and gathered all of the materials, I thought about my last fourteen and a half months in the United Kingdom. My life is different than it was fifteen months ago, when I graduated university and moved across the ocean. I am also different. But God? He's the same.
Here are some of the things that I learned:
1. I do not need a room to myself.
But seriously. My whole life, I had my own room. Except for my freshman year at university, I have always had a place where I could shut the door and breathe, where I could block everybody out, and where I and my possessions were safe. I thought that it was necessary for my sanity. I thought that it was my right.
But having my own room is not my right. As I write this, I am in a room with three other girls, all whom I love dearly. I have half a cupboard to my name, and I sleep in a top bunk, and let me tell you, I am just grateful to have a bed.
Even having a bed is not my right.
It is my privilege to be here. It is my privilege to share a room with these three women of God. I learn from them every day, and when I go through hard times, I don't even have to lift my head; they are right there.
Sure, there are times that I want to get away. But I can always run or take a walk or take a shower. Being an introvert and living in community is a challenge, but it has also taught me how to be vulnerable. It has taught me how to live life without hiding from things that overwhelm me. And if I had to guess, I'd say that it's probably preparing me to have a family.
2. I am just as loved when I am struggling as when I am doing well.
Part of living in community means that I am around people all day, every day. I cannot hide my bad days behind a smile and a tight-lipped, "I'm fine." These people that I live with are my family, and they genuinely want to know how I am doing. And when I'm not doing well, they love me just as much as they do when I am good and lovely and caring and giving. In fact, when I am really struggling, they show me love even more clearly. God is a relational God. He created me for a relationship with Him, but also for relationships with others. It is in those relationships that I often see His love for me acted out.
3. Home is not necessarily where you have a bed or a key. Home is where you wake up and know where the breakfast stuff is (and how to work the shower).
By this definition, I have three homes in this YWAM base. And while I do not sleep in all three of our base houses, I know where the breakfast stuff is in all three, and I definitely know how to operate the shower. I also know that, if I knock on the door, I'll be greeted with a hug, coffee, and a lot of love. I think that is really what home is: being greeted at the door with love.
4. Showering is overrated (at the same time, showering is a way to feel sane again).
When we do Notting Hill Carnival, we live in a church and have to walk 20 minutes one way to shower at a sports centre. With all of the preparation and evangelism, there isn't time to shower every day. And during Carnival weekend, we go for four days without showering and with all 90 people living in one church.
It can get pretty gross.
But at the same time, it has taught me that I don't need to shower to be a human. People can rarely tell that I have not showered every day. Showering is another thing that I grew up with and assumed was my right. But showers have not been around for long. Millions of people lived before them, and they seemed to do just fine.
However, I also know that, when things go really wrong, a shower is often what I need to feel sane again. Just the act of cleaning my body helps cleanse my mind and spirit. Which brings me to,
5. Cleaning is a great time to talk to God.
In YWAM, we do this thing called work duties. Basically, the whole team comes together to clean the house. It is a daily activity (when you live in community, you need to clean the house every day), and it is one of the best times that I have with God every day. While my body is busy scrubbing toilets or mopping floors, God has a chance to speak to me without being interrupted. It has gotten to the point where just the thought of washing dishes makes me think about God.
6. You do not need to talk to somebody daily (or weekly) to keep a strong relationship with them.
This was one of my big fears when I joined YWAM. I did not want to end my relationships in the States just because I was moving to England. Everybody says that, with Skype, it's easy to keep in touch, but I think we all know that that's a bit of a lie. It takes a lot of time to Skype people, and to set up Skype dates. With a time difference, there is even more of a challenge. But I have learned that when I finally do get to Skype with the people that I love, it's as if the past fifteen months have only been a month or two. The love and communication is still there.
7. National Holidays are still important, even if you are not in your own country.
Today, we celebrated Chile's Independence. We ate empanadas and danced to traditional songs. At Thanksgiving, I ate three Thanksgiving dinners. The base also celebrated Norway's independence day, and we have Argentinian barbeques several times a year. I love getting tastes of other cultures and seeing the pride that people have for their homeland, even when it has been years since they've lived there. I also appreciate that the people I live with will celebrate days that are important to me, even though they may not understand why it is necessary to sing "I'm proud to be an American" seven or eight times on the Fourth of July. Living in England does not mean that I was not raised in the United States, and it does not mean that my Chilean teacher does not feel pride for her homeland on their special day. It really just means that we have more reasons to celebrate.
And more reasons to fiesta!
8. My value is in who I am, not what I do.
Having a university degree does not make me more valuable. Being able to speak more languages would not make me more valuable, nor would being the best toilet cleaner, or the best email writer. My value is that I am God's creation and daughter. My value is equal with Christ. I have security in that fact alone, not in who loves me or where in the world they are. Certainly not in my bank account. Not in where I sleep or what I do during the day.
I know this seems a bit deep and poetic, but it is a revelation that has taken me 14.5 months to come by. I am valuable. I am just as valuable as I was when I was born, and I cannot lose that value. It does not depend on you. It does not depend on my family here in London, or my family at home. The same is true of you. I do not determine your value. Neither does your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, roommate, boss, or professor. You are worth the life of Jesus. Your value is the same as the son of God. That is exactly what you are.
God loves me (and you) just as much as He loves Jesus.
9. I love the God I serve.
This is not new, but my love only grows as I learn more about my Father.
Here are some of the things that I learned:
1. I do not need a room to myself.
But seriously. My whole life, I had my own room. Except for my freshman year at university, I have always had a place where I could shut the door and breathe, where I could block everybody out, and where I and my possessions were safe. I thought that it was necessary for my sanity. I thought that it was my right.
But having my own room is not my right. As I write this, I am in a room with three other girls, all whom I love dearly. I have half a cupboard to my name, and I sleep in a top bunk, and let me tell you, I am just grateful to have a bed.
Even having a bed is not my right.
It is my privilege to be here. It is my privilege to share a room with these three women of God. I learn from them every day, and when I go through hard times, I don't even have to lift my head; they are right there.
Sure, there are times that I want to get away. But I can always run or take a walk or take a shower. Being an introvert and living in community is a challenge, but it has also taught me how to be vulnerable. It has taught me how to live life without hiding from things that overwhelm me. And if I had to guess, I'd say that it's probably preparing me to have a family.
2. I am just as loved when I am struggling as when I am doing well.
Part of living in community means that I am around people all day, every day. I cannot hide my bad days behind a smile and a tight-lipped, "I'm fine." These people that I live with are my family, and they genuinely want to know how I am doing. And when I'm not doing well, they love me just as much as they do when I am good and lovely and caring and giving. In fact, when I am really struggling, they show me love even more clearly. God is a relational God. He created me for a relationship with Him, but also for relationships with others. It is in those relationships that I often see His love for me acted out.
3. Home is not necessarily where you have a bed or a key. Home is where you wake up and know where the breakfast stuff is (and how to work the shower).
By this definition, I have three homes in this YWAM base. And while I do not sleep in all three of our base houses, I know where the breakfast stuff is in all three, and I definitely know how to operate the shower. I also know that, if I knock on the door, I'll be greeted with a hug, coffee, and a lot of love. I think that is really what home is: being greeted at the door with love.
4. Showering is overrated (at the same time, showering is a way to feel sane again).
When we do Notting Hill Carnival, we live in a church and have to walk 20 minutes one way to shower at a sports centre. With all of the preparation and evangelism, there isn't time to shower every day. And during Carnival weekend, we go for four days without showering and with all 90 people living in one church.
It can get pretty gross.
But at the same time, it has taught me that I don't need to shower to be a human. People can rarely tell that I have not showered every day. Showering is another thing that I grew up with and assumed was my right. But showers have not been around for long. Millions of people lived before them, and they seemed to do just fine.
However, I also know that, when things go really wrong, a shower is often what I need to feel sane again. Just the act of cleaning my body helps cleanse my mind and spirit. Which brings me to,
5. Cleaning is a great time to talk to God.
In YWAM, we do this thing called work duties. Basically, the whole team comes together to clean the house. It is a daily activity (when you live in community, you need to clean the house every day), and it is one of the best times that I have with God every day. While my body is busy scrubbing toilets or mopping floors, God has a chance to speak to me without being interrupted. It has gotten to the point where just the thought of washing dishes makes me think about God.
6. You do not need to talk to somebody daily (or weekly) to keep a strong relationship with them.
This was one of my big fears when I joined YWAM. I did not want to end my relationships in the States just because I was moving to England. Everybody says that, with Skype, it's easy to keep in touch, but I think we all know that that's a bit of a lie. It takes a lot of time to Skype people, and to set up Skype dates. With a time difference, there is even more of a challenge. But I have learned that when I finally do get to Skype with the people that I love, it's as if the past fifteen months have only been a month or two. The love and communication is still there.
7. National Holidays are still important, even if you are not in your own country.
Today, we celebrated Chile's Independence. We ate empanadas and danced to traditional songs. At Thanksgiving, I ate three Thanksgiving dinners. The base also celebrated Norway's independence day, and we have Argentinian barbeques several times a year. I love getting tastes of other cultures and seeing the pride that people have for their homeland, even when it has been years since they've lived there. I also appreciate that the people I live with will celebrate days that are important to me, even though they may not understand why it is necessary to sing "I'm proud to be an American" seven or eight times on the Fourth of July. Living in England does not mean that I was not raised in the United States, and it does not mean that my Chilean teacher does not feel pride for her homeland on their special day. It really just means that we have more reasons to celebrate.
And more reasons to fiesta!
8. My value is in who I am, not what I do.
Having a university degree does not make me more valuable. Being able to speak more languages would not make me more valuable, nor would being the best toilet cleaner, or the best email writer. My value is that I am God's creation and daughter. My value is equal with Christ. I have security in that fact alone, not in who loves me or where in the world they are. Certainly not in my bank account. Not in where I sleep or what I do during the day.
I know this seems a bit deep and poetic, but it is a revelation that has taken me 14.5 months to come by. I am valuable. I am just as valuable as I was when I was born, and I cannot lose that value. It does not depend on you. It does not depend on my family here in London, or my family at home. The same is true of you. I do not determine your value. Neither does your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, roommate, boss, or professor. You are worth the life of Jesus. Your value is the same as the son of God. That is exactly what you are.
God loves me (and you) just as much as He loves Jesus.
9. I love the God I serve.
This is not new, but my love only grows as I learn more about my Father.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
and you should come join our family
Every year, our base does a base-wide outreach called Bones that leads up to Notting Hill Carnival. Notting Hill Carnival is the second biggest carnival in the world - a time when millions of people come to Notting Hill to drink and eat overpriced food and "experience cultures" (really, though, I think they mainly experience Red Stripe beer and rubbish-lined streets). Still, despite that, the carnival time is one of my favourite times of year on the base.
For the ten days leading up to Carnival, everybody on the base moves out of our three houses and into the church that we attend, which is right in the middle of Notting Hill. We sew, paint, glue together foam, and practice drumming, dances, and dramas to perform in the street. This year, I was helping with media, so I ran around with a camera the whole time. We invite others to join us, and we had teams come from Italy, Brazil, Spain, Austria, Scotland, the States, Canada, and more. There were 90 of us living in the church by the end.
Each day, we had worship and evangelism as well as preparation for carnival. We stayed up late at night working together, and in the afternoons, we filled the streets with the news of Jesus. During one of these evangelism times, I was accompanying Ezra, one of my counselling school classmates, as he walked on stilts. We stopped and talked to a man, Raj, at a bus stop, and we invited him to church. He showed up at the church that night, and after prayer and talking, he accepted Jesus.
Raj is the first person that I have led to Christ in London. I could barely contain my excitement. Here in London, we talk to a lot of people, and we even get to pray for many of them, but we rarely see people get saved. Raj told me that he had friends from the States who prayed for him, and I know that I got to reap a seed that had been sown a long time ago.
During Carnival, I put down my camera long enough to take part in a flash mob, and also to talk to a lot of people. Many times I just had time to explain that Jesus loves them, no matter what they do, but one woman allowed me to pray with her and gave me the chance to explain how to hear God's voice.
I'm sad that Carnival is over, and I'm back to the busy life of counselling school, but I just wanted to share what happened in the past two weeks and to encourage everybody to actually go for it when you tell others about Jesus. Don't be afraid to tell people the truth - that Jesus love them and that they need to take the step to accept Him as their Saviour. Maybe you aren't the first person to tell them, and maybe you will get to be the final person that they speak to before they take the step to join our family.
(Here is a link to the video of the flashmob. I am in the front right, wearing black).
For the ten days leading up to Carnival, everybody on the base moves out of our three houses and into the church that we attend, which is right in the middle of Notting Hill. We sew, paint, glue together foam, and practice drumming, dances, and dramas to perform in the street. This year, I was helping with media, so I ran around with a camera the whole time. We invite others to join us, and we had teams come from Italy, Brazil, Spain, Austria, Scotland, the States, Canada, and more. There were 90 of us living in the church by the end.
Each day, we had worship and evangelism as well as preparation for carnival. We stayed up late at night working together, and in the afternoons, we filled the streets with the news of Jesus. During one of these evangelism times, I was accompanying Ezra, one of my counselling school classmates, as he walked on stilts. We stopped and talked to a man, Raj, at a bus stop, and we invited him to church. He showed up at the church that night, and after prayer and talking, he accepted Jesus.
Raj is the first person that I have led to Christ in London. I could barely contain my excitement. Here in London, we talk to a lot of people, and we even get to pray for many of them, but we rarely see people get saved. Raj told me that he had friends from the States who prayed for him, and I know that I got to reap a seed that had been sown a long time ago.
During Carnival, I put down my camera long enough to take part in a flash mob, and also to talk to a lot of people. Many times I just had time to explain that Jesus loves them, no matter what they do, but one woman allowed me to pray with her and gave me the chance to explain how to hear God's voice.
I'm sad that Carnival is over, and I'm back to the busy life of counselling school, but I just wanted to share what happened in the past two weeks and to encourage everybody to actually go for it when you tell others about Jesus. Don't be afraid to tell people the truth - that Jesus love them and that they need to take the step to accept Him as their Saviour. Maybe you aren't the first person to tell them, and maybe you will get to be the final person that they speak to before they take the step to join our family.
(Here is a link to the video of the flashmob. I am in the front right, wearing black).
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
and the seasons change
A week and a half ago, I had a significant change of season in my life.
I am taking a brief sabbatical from the arts team. While they are headed to Paris and Edinburgh on outreach, I have joined the first-ever counselling school that my base is offering.
The lecture phase of the school is three months long, and the slogan is "Receive to Give," which means that, while we are learning how to counsel others in a Christian way, we are receiving healing ourselves. I am receiving a lot of healing at the same time that I am being prepared to return to my ministry with the skills to help disciple the nations - and our future teammates - with Godly wisdom.
It's been an unexpected blessing to be here, to have peace and the chance to spend extended amounts of time with God. This is the busiest season for the arts team, and my leaders were gracious enough to allow me to leave the internship that we are running so that I can come be a part of this school.
As you pray for me in this time, please pray that God gives me the strength to say yes to the decisions that He places before me. It is a huge growing time for me, and I am only too aware of my own fragility. But I also know that He will not ask me to do anything that He is not preparing me to do.
One of the best parts of the school thus far has been how we focus on giving back. We do evangelism every week, as well as going to the Salvation Army to serve dinner to the homeless on Wednesdays. I have always loved going to the Salvation Army, and it has given me the chance to have weekly conversations with the people that are there, and to follow up with them about prayer, illnesses, and the evidence of God working in their lives.
God has also been using music a lot in this time. I began playing the ukulele this past winter, and I have been playing the piano again, as well. I am currently praying about purchasing a 3/4 size guitar (because it fits my size better than a full-size guitar). God has spoken to me a lot about the place that worship has in my life, and I am trying to take concrete steps to move in the way that He is leading me. Music has a way of bypassing the mind and touching the heart with truth that I find hard to accept when I filter it through rational thought.
I am taking a brief sabbatical from the arts team. While they are headed to Paris and Edinburgh on outreach, I have joined the first-ever counselling school that my base is offering.
The lecture phase of the school is three months long, and the slogan is "Receive to Give," which means that, while we are learning how to counsel others in a Christian way, we are receiving healing ourselves. I am receiving a lot of healing at the same time that I am being prepared to return to my ministry with the skills to help disciple the nations - and our future teammates - with Godly wisdom.
It's been an unexpected blessing to be here, to have peace and the chance to spend extended amounts of time with God. This is the busiest season for the arts team, and my leaders were gracious enough to allow me to leave the internship that we are running so that I can come be a part of this school.
As you pray for me in this time, please pray that God gives me the strength to say yes to the decisions that He places before me. It is a huge growing time for me, and I am only too aware of my own fragility. But I also know that He will not ask me to do anything that He is not preparing me to do.
One of the best parts of the school thus far has been how we focus on giving back. We do evangelism every week, as well as going to the Salvation Army to serve dinner to the homeless on Wednesdays. I have always loved going to the Salvation Army, and it has given me the chance to have weekly conversations with the people that are there, and to follow up with them about prayer, illnesses, and the evidence of God working in their lives.
God has also been using music a lot in this time. I began playing the ukulele this past winter, and I have been playing the piano again, as well. I am currently praying about purchasing a 3/4 size guitar (because it fits my size better than a full-size guitar). God has spoken to me a lot about the place that worship has in my life, and I am trying to take concrete steps to move in the way that He is leading me. Music has a way of bypassing the mind and touching the heart with truth that I find hard to accept when I filter it through rational thought.
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